Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Stories for the New Year

Sometimes I look around this Earth and I think it's funny that all of those other people think that they are the main character in the story when, clearly, I am. I like to let them hold onto their delusions, because they make more interesting minor characters when they think they have to hold up the main plot of the story.

For example, I recently ran into an ex-boyfriend. Now, according to my story, we didn't work out because we were too young, and we didn't try hard enough. His story is that we weren't even a good fit. In fact, according to his story, we were such a not-good-fit, he rarely even thinks about me any more. I'm not sure how I can let the memory of this failed relationship continue to eat away at me and make me worry that I didn't try hard enough if he's not even going to think about me with any sort of regret. It's ridiculous. Luckily, I'm the main character, and all of the rules of story-telling demand that I show growth and change by the end of the story, so perhaps this will be the year of letting go and finally finding happiness.

My other new story this year will be that instead of the being the Woman Who Drinks Coffee Alone, I am now the Woman Who Joins Groups. And so this morning, The Woman Who Joins Groups got up to walk the dog in her running clothes, and then drove her ice-covered car to Uptown, where she joined a group of runners in the -1 degree weather to run around the lakes. Then The Woman Who Joins Groups went to a coffee shop where the cute boy behind the counter made her some coffee, and she pretended that he did it because he wanted to, and not just because she gave him a 50% tip on her order.

On Friday, I'm going to eat dinner with a bunch of strangers at a restaurant. I've done this once before with a group of strangers that eats dinner in restaurants, and, frankly, I've found it somewhat stressful, but that was last year, before I took on this new role. Now, I will take it in stride, because I'm used to Joining Groups. It's What I Do.

You'll see. 2009 will be a year of happy stories, full of new people and new adventures. It will be the year I let old pain die, and I force myself out of the rut of thinking that I'm the tragic heroine of a tragic story of what might have been.

Or, maybe it's just the last day of winter break, and I'd rather make up stories than figure out what the heck I'm teaching tomorrow.


swabmenot said...

Obviously, the reason it didn't work out with that ex-boyfriend is because he's deranged and you aren't. Only a crazy person could date you and not think about you all the time after. The correct course of action after dating you is dwelling on it far too long and then trying to establish a friendship. And then promptly breaking your foot.

I wish you well on this year of joining groups! I plan on making this the year I dance. A lot. Starting sometime, oh, late January,

Alex said...

Of course I agree with you. How could anyone not be crazy about me?

Dancing with a giant boot on your foot does sound less than ideal, but even if you don't start until late-January, you should still be able to be Lord of the Dance by March. How hard can dancing be?

swabmenot said...

Dancing with the boot was actually very easy on New Year's Eve, but it was less than ideal, like you said.

Jill said...

I'd rather think of 2009 as already a big disappointment. That way, if it turns out any differently, I can be pleasantly surprised. But don't let me get you down, good luck with your groups.

Peace Turkey said...

If there is one thing that 2008 taught me, it's that "it's not supposed to be this hard" is a good mantra to have when it comes to men and failed relationships.

If it's the right guy, you shouldn't have to wonder if you're compatible or if he'll answer his phone or if you'll remember the two of you had plans. (says the currently non-single girl who may end up eating her words, but here's hoping she doesn't.)

Good luck with the new school semester! My mom is a teacher too and it's always fun to realize that ::gasp:: teachers sometimes hate going back to school too, just like the students!

Alex said...

Ah, the power of negative thinking, Jill. I know it well.

I'm actually not totally sad to be back at school. I was too much in my head after two weeks at home. I need to be back in the heads of my crabby calculus students instead.

And I agree that it shouldn't be hard. Hard to find, maybe, but not hard once you find it. Good luck, currently-non-single girl.

Lisa said...

Of course he thinks about you with regret. He's just not willing to admit it to you or to himself.

And I applaud you for being the Woman Who Joins Groups. I have always been terrible at this - I get all shy - but I would like to be a joiner. I bet the dinner with strangers at a restaurant will be a fun adventure. And I hope your 2009 is absolutely fantastic.

Alex said...

Actually, I'm far too shy, too, Lisa, which is why my burning desire to join groups has always died down in the past. I go to one meeting, and I feel shy and awkward, and I never go again.

I once lived with a guy in AA, and I was a little bit jealous that he was required to go to multiple meetings of his groups, and thus he always had so many friends.

On the other hand, he had a serious addiction to alcohol, so every silver lining has its cloud.