Monday, December 15, 2008

Over It

Jimmy invited me to dinner. This is the perfect response to the kind of mood I was in when I wrote yesterday's post. I was probably hungry and tired. Hungry and tired equals vague existential weariness for me, and I can never seem to remember at the time that the reason I find myself questioning the meaning of life and my place in it, is mostly because I'm hungry.

I mean, sure, sometimes I feel like the Loneliest Girl in the World who has to eat dinner alone in restaurants, but it could be a lot worse. I could be too poor to afford dinner. I could actually, for real, not have friends, and I could actually be lonely, not just temporarily without company. I could have no family to pick me up when I stagger, no Jimmy to offer to cook me dinner. I could have no Buddy to curl up beside me when I crawl into bed. I could have no sister-in-law who saves me crossword puzzles when I visit. I could have no book club friends to meet me for bad movies downtown.

I could have no courage to date and no confidence that the Right One is out there for me. I could be married to the Wrong One or trying to figure out custody of my children. I could be mourning the loss of the Right One, or forcing myself into a closet so that I'd guarantee myself years of dating Wrong Ones.

None of these things is true. I'm just single. I'm just hungry after long days of work, and I have to figure out how to feed myself after working a full day. I'm just working too hard because I'm a new teacher and I'm learning as I go. I'm just a procrastinator who would be happier if she did her damn work instead of playing computer games and wishing she didn't have to do all of that work. I'm just light-sensitive and I work without windows, so I need to get light some other way. I'm just ready for winter break, and I just have four more days to go until I'm free.


swabmenot said...

Winter break is just four days away? Fantastic news! I hope they aren't the slowest four days ever. And I hope I didn't just jinx anything.

OneN said...

You need a kid, or maybe two! It has done wonders for my S.A.D. - there is no more time for me to feel crappy because I have little people demanding that I play legos and trucks and chase and puzzles and...well you get the picture. Come on over and get a dose of kid, that will pull you out of whatever gloomy mood you are in...and we'll even feed you too!

Alex said...

Nice try, Dave, but I don't even have to go to school on Thursday, so that once can't be the slowest day ever.

I love the kids. Are you going to go on a date this winter break and leave me overnight with them, or what? Buddy misses the bits and pieces he always finds on your floor.

swabmenot said...

Also, you forgot to mention how smokin' hot you were. You could always be gross.

Are you going anywhere over winter break? If not, I suggest we get together at some point for a quantum of Persian food.